Downright insulting

Downright insulting, say women

Disgusting. Ridiculous. Very Bad. Terrible.

Hard to believe. Stupid idea. Totally unacceptable.

These were among the spontaneous replies from women's groups and individuals while younger ones shied away when asked to comment on the suggestion by a newly-formed "Obedient Wives' Club" (OWC) that a wife must obey and serve her husband like "a first-class prostitute".

Former Deputy State Secretary, Datuk Noni J. Said, said OWC has insulted the men by inferring that satisfaction hinges on sex alone.

"It also implies that men would be perpetrators of sex-related social problems in the absence of services from so-called 'first-class prostitutes'.

"I believe the background and experiences of women in OWC have led them to accept themselves as chattels and sex objects in order to secure love from men," she said in a statement.

Noni found it astonishing that even in the 21st century, such a club is established in Malaysia "where women have struggled for equality in all aspects of life, impelling governmental recognition and prompting their acceptance by men as an equal partner."

"Acceptance of the new roles of modern women as wife, mother, earner and social worker, has made men recognise the need for equal efforts from both husband and wife to ensure a happy family," she said.

Noni reckoned that the fundamental nature of the Club essentially diminishes women's efforts for gender equality and effectively goes back in time on the pretext of solving social ills, "when in fact they are degrading women by proposing them to be 'prostitutes'."

She said most women would detest and be outraged at being referred to as a "prostitute".

OWC International Vice-President, Dr Rohaya Mohamed was quoted as saying in the media that "A man married to a woman who is as good or better than a prostitute in bed has no reason to stray".

The Malaysian Branch of the Club, which is open to women of all faiths and races, was launched in Kuala Lumpur on June 4.

Prominent social activist Anne Keyworth said perhaps Dr Rohaya, being a second wife, was trying to safeguard her own marriage.

"My Muslim friends said there is no such thing in the Quran that a good wife must behave like a 'prostitute' in bed.

"On the contrary, Muslim men are required to respect their wives," she said.

Keyworth, popularly known as Mama Anne, said the Government should uphold Islam and show its respect for the teachings of the Quran by abolishing the OWC. She also suggested that Dr Rohaya start a club to protect the interests of first wives and their children so that they are not left in the lurch.

President of the Sabah Women Entrepreneurs & Professionals Association (Swepa), Datuk Adeline Leong, is saddened that women have made enormous efforts to take three steps forward for their empowerment in all realms of development, "and now we are asked to take one step backward!"

"Such a shame when we have been trying to restore women's dignity and give them a sense of self-worth," she said.

"They might as well have called it 'The Legal Prostitute Club'.

"It is hard to believe that women like this still exist in a society like Malaysia when the rest of the world, including women long abused in chauvinistic societies in India, Afghanistan, Africa and the Arab countries are fighting for the right to be respected alongside feminists from developed countries," lawyer & activist Nilakrisna James, said in a statement.

Nilakrisna lamented that OWC sends the wrong message to women, encourages society to be chauvinistic and to regard women as nothing more than sex objects.

This, she said, would obviously put pressure on women to succumb to sex with their husbands even if they don't consent to it. "AndÉencourage women to condone marital rape which is now a criminal offence."

Given that prostitution is about women being put in a situation that is considered by society as an unhealthy social ill, Nilakrisna said to expect decent marriages to degenerate into something akin to sexual exploitation is "taking essentially what is sacred out of a marriage and turning it into something totally degrading and shameful.

"It's very sad for the children to have to read this sort of thing and grow up believing that their mums are no different to prostitutes.

Are we encouraging young girls out there to grow up into little hussies?"

Private practitioner Dr Jaina Sintian opined that the word "prostitute" should never have been brought up, even if the intention is to curb social ills, especially by a woman of Dr Rohaya's calibre, who appears to be the Mastermind.

"The word hurts not just women but also men, daughters and sons.

The perception and idea arising from that connotation is ugly and dirty," she said.

She said sex between a husband and a wife is very personal and seen as spiritual as far as procreation is concerned. "Therefore, it must be treated accordingly. I can't imagine my daughter asking me whether to be qualified as a good wife, she has to behave like a prostitute.

Lawyer Datuk Hajah Shahraini Siano described OWC's suggestion as a debasement of women's esteem by lowering their dignity.

"In this day and age, subservience to men has no place in society.

Should we subscribe to the Club's ideal, it is tantamount to retrogressing for women, instead of progressing to the next level. Do we want this to happen?" she asked.

Speaking as an individual, Marketing Communications Manager, Jocelyn Banding does not believe that the issue raised by Dr Rohaya deserves anybody's time or attention.

"It's ridiculous! Why do we want to go back to the archaic times?

It shouldn't be the case. Really, today, men and women are equal in many ways. Both are income-earners and breadwinners.

"In some cases, wives may earn more than their husbands.

Still, we treat our spouses as equals. We cannot say 'I do more' and 'You do less'.

"It does not matter how much money we bring to the table.

It's what we bring to the family, not just financially but also the support, love and care for our kids," she contended.

"What a stupid idea!" exclaimed the President of Sabah Women's Organisation (Pewasa), Haniza Abdullah.

Speaking in her personal capacity, she said in marriage, mutual respect between the spouses should prevail. "No such condition as sex slavery being imposed on a marriage as far as Islam is concerned."

She further contended that even if a wife fulfils her husband's needs to the best of her ability, there is no guarantee that he will not go astray.

Adapted From Daily Express Newspaper dated: 9 June 2011